The most humorous encounter of the day involved my walking into the middle of a class at a very conservative spiritual center, where a female guru was seated lotus style at the far end of the room on a dais while the class seemed in some state of rapture, performing very advanced postures. I smiled awkwardly, clutching my kicks in one hand and a stack of postcards in the other. The guru smiled back, asking if I was there to see Jane. I obviously couldn't run my sales pitch in the studio, so I replied "Yes. I am. Is Jane here?" The guru responded "She is in the breathing room. To your left." I wasn't sure what the breathing room was, but figured it was the lesser of two evils.
The breathing room ended up being a simple space with couches and a massage table. Jane was a very sweet woman who instructed clients on best meditation practices. She also laughed uproariously at my description of the show (I almost told her to bring her expectations down a notch or two, but refrained). I handed her a stack of cards and ambled into the hallway to put my sneakers on and head to the next location.
Rejection and Almost Rejection Quotes of the Day:
"Yeah. I can't letcha put dose out here. I'd havta let everybody do it then. You know? Sorry pal" (pause and glance at postcard) "Are you Gene?" ~ Guy from a certain vegan pizza place
Studio Gestapo, I mean, Employee: "Are you a student here?"
Me: "No." (pause to formulate lie) "I'm a student at another one of your studios"
Gestapo (looking at card, referring to Gene): "Does he teach (insert specific form of yoga here) at another studio?"
Me: "Uh. No. He's a student at one of the other studios though."
Gestapo: (long pause) "Ok. You can put out a couple. But not too many."
Me: "I extend the gratitude and warmth of one thousand suns upon you and your family!"
Gestapo: "Just put out your cards and please get the fuck out of here."
(the last two lines of dialogue were added for dramatic effect)
